Hey it's not me, I'm just pretending to be me!
Since RaT made sure to delete the more damaging blogs of Gregory's past and the darker things he had done, it was a good thing that some of us were on the ball!
While the actual blogs were even stripped off of the Wayback Machine and the live links long gone, we just have a few screenshots and the actual text from those blog entries of the creep.
But first the screenshots although they were already featured in a previous post here. We'll just go ahead and post them again for the hell of it! Gee, when I think about how RaT and his little friend Lyecdevf could have just left some people alone instead of raging and railing on someone in a forum just because he was getting his freak on to be able to attack someone from behind the gravestone of a deceased monster of a nightmare in cyber waters who got harpooned, it would have done him well to not go after someone because they seemed vulnerable and an easy target.
But not the creeps, oh no! We have all this now and we have to put it all out here now.
Oh and your girlfriend won't be able to help you attack your victim anymore. Your weapon has been neutralized. You can't lord your treachery over anyone's head now. You can't aim to harm anyone anymore, RaT. You inept sperm gurgler. But go ahead and contact her and tell her all about it! And much good it'll do ya!
I mean just think! None of this would be here right now, had it not been for the sheer egocentric vain asshole who thought he could stay anonymous and continue to just beat some poor girl up to get off on it because he knew he was putting such evil out there in the world, and fed on it!
The stupidity of some trolls. I tell ya!
The texts presented here came from these now defunct links.
Posted on January 21, 2008 on his Fewboo account:
Blogging About My Dark Life
So I am sitting here and thinking of what is going to come out of this
blog entry. I do not really know what to write. I just know that I
have nothing better to do. With that of course I do not want to state
that the blog that I am writing is a creation of my boredom.
I just have a lot on my mind at the moment. I guess that is what makes
all of these blog entries. There are all these thoughts that are
trying to get out of my mind and onto a piece of paper. They want to
see the light of day because it is getting crowdie there in my little
head.
blog entry. I do not really know what to write. I just know that I
have nothing better to do. With that of course I do not want to state
that the blog that I am writing is a creation of my boredom.
I just have a lot on my mind at the moment. I guess that is what makes
all of these blog entries. There are all these thoughts that are
trying to get out of my mind and onto a piece of paper. They want to
see the light of day because it is getting crowdie there in my little
head.
I have been going to church a lot lately. One of the things that I
prayed to was for god to let me continue doing torrents. Of course
that is not the only thing that I have been going to church for. I
have realized that much of my life I have lived the wrong way. Instead
of looking for the path of love I chose the path of hate. I hated
myself, my family, and society. I was lost most of the time. I am
still pretty confused but now I see the path out of this darkness. On
my left and right there are people who live in this darkness and
cannot see the light and my only hope is to never see them again. Once
I leave this darkness I know that I am never going to see those people
again. What a beautiful day that is going to be.
As I am writing this I am doing torrents on my server. The torrents
have helped me come out of this mess. Without torrents I probably
would not be able to survive the last few years. I truly believe that.
The situation in my life is so grim that without the constant supply
of movies, shows, I would not have made it.
I am now contemplating about not doing torrents any more. I want to
return to a time that was more pristine. I remember reading books but
now I have not picked up a book in a long time. I have the time to do
so. I just wish I can make that change in my life. I would love to
stop doing torrents and start reading again. I think that would be a
move to the better.
I have been thinking for a while about doing this. I mean to stop
doing torrents. I have a disk with Dban on it. I colored the disk in
gold color. One of these days I am going to put my little gold disk in
to the floppy drive, restart the computer and set Dban to erase the
hardrive 35 times. It should take around three days to do that but
after that no traces of my torrenting activities would remain on the
disk. The DVDs that I burned I would hide somewhere. After that no
evidence would remain and no one could prosecute me for doing file
sharing.
I think that I am going to wait until November. On November or around
that time in 2006 I first started doing torrents. So that would make
it three years of doing torrents. Maybe I am going to wait until 2010.
That way I can say I have been running a server upon which I did
torrents for two years and uploaded during those two years a massive
3-4TB of data. I think in all I have uploaded just myself around 5TB
of data.
I really do not know what to make out of that number. I do not have
much to be proud of in my life so I think I am going to think of this
number as an achievement of mine. I could not of have done it without
determination, knowledge, and hard work. So I think that it counts as
an achievement.
Doing torrents also gives me a reason to continue upgrading my
computer. For instance recently I bought a HD enclosure that seals the
HD in an alumminium box with all these foam to make sure it is quiet.
I personally think that was a great idea. One does not see often such
computer accessories in of the shelf computer even in those extremely
expensive ones. It is something that I am going to show off at the
forums that I visit. I think that it is going to be a hit.
Although at the moment I am not sure exactly where I am going to show
this off. Like I have said I am thinking of leaving the hacking
forums. At the moment I am active only on suck-o.com and I have been
thinking of leaving it too. Maybe I am going to register at some
security forums instead since that is what I have been doing a lot
lately anyhow. My interest in penetration testing has really decreased
any how over the last few months. Maybe one day I am going to come
back to this but at the moment I am more into security and I have also
been thinking of building some sites. Basically my schedule is full
and at the moment penetration testing really has no room.
Besides that I am not a script kiddie any more. I have learned a lot
and now I have my own projects that I want to work on. I do not really
need directions from others to help me find contents on the web. I am
pretty proficient at that myself now. In fact I have been thinking of
making a goodbye thread. Now I am not sure if I am really going to do
that but if I did I would write something like this:
“When I first joined suck-o I did not know much about computers, net,
penetration testing. I wanted to learn. I have superseded at that. In
fact I have achieved even more as now I have a better idea of what I
want to do. I am no longer a script kiddie whose only aim is to port
scan a couple of machines and use the latest exploits on them.
So the time has come for me to leave. I would like to thank everyone
here who has helped me to achieve my goals especially b_b. “
I think that should do. It is short, sweet and simple. I have been on
suck-o for over three years. I think they are going to understand.
At the moment I am much more in need of a few good guides to movies so
I was thinking of joining a movie forum. I would like to discuss
movies to see what I should download of torrent sites. The new movies
that come out do not cut it anymore. Some of them are even lame.
Talking about torrents sites the old pirate bay is shutting down. I am
not sure exactly what they are doing but the old way of downloading
stuff for free is not going to be possible any more. Personally I do
not really care. I have downloaded the majority of the stuff of
mininova. Now though even mininova does not look like it has a long
future. So I may need to move to demonoid or some other site. I am
still determined to do torrents. What else should I do? Maybe one day
I am going to do fewer movies and download games, wallpapers, e-books,
The other day I was thinking about the Pirate bay and a couple of
comments people made about the people who operated it. Was this really
all about the money? Sure the founders of the Pirate bay earned a lot
of money but were that really the motivating force behind all of this?
If you ask me all the money that they earned was illegal any way
because the site profited of the stuff copyright but on the other hand
the anti-piracy organizations also seem to be in this all for the
money. That makes all of them criminals. No one is really concerned
about the artists who create all of this. On the other hand they make
plenty of money. No one is suffering because of torrents if you ask
me. Neither should the end user suffer because of this. So I strongly
disagree with the 3-strikes law that some are trying to implement. For
a user to be disconnected for a year from the net because of this is
way too much. Besides that what are we actually going to do on the net
if we won’t have torrents? Surf facebook, twitter,
At the moment this is the talk of the net. I personally do not want to
add anything to it. I believe that eventually things are going to
settle down and people are going to return back to doing what they
used to. I do not believe that this is going to change anything.
The net is such a great place. I often go on the www to escape into
the nice little virtual world but it also has its dark sides. I use
Linux to stay safe on it because of all the malware that is being
written by individuals with malicious intent or by companies to be
trying to find out more about the habits of internet users to sell to
them.
I never thought that I would get involved to such an extent to the
net. Sometimes I spent entire days on it. It was really crazy. Now
days I go on just a few times per day and I leave many days in between
where I do not go on the net at all. I should not get addicted to it.
I am not sure if that can happen to me. Sure I guess it can be
addictive but I am not a person like that. I did drugs and I felt an
urge to get high but I managed to stop and force myself not to take
drugs any more.
I think that the net has a lot more to offer me. Over the coming days
as I am going to be vacationing I am going to think about the new
directions that I am going to take. Over the past few years I have
been going to pretty much the same sites for most of my online
activities and I believe that it is time for me to refresh my online
activities.
Well that is pretty much it. I had said much of what was on my mind
over the past few weeks and months. Now is the time to put some of
this into action. I think that the vacation is going to be the best
time to do this. Some new thoughts are going to enter my brain and I
hope that is going to carry into the net. The blog though is going to
stay even if one day I do entirely different things. In that case it
is going to be a testament of my development over time. I just hope it
takes me into the right directions.
Posted on August 25, 2009 on his Cyber Secretion account:
2008 the year of fly!It was the 31st of December of 2008. I woke up
in the morning at around 9 o'clock. I went to bed at around 2 o'clock
last night. I was not partying so I had plenty of sleep but I did not
feel so great. I guess most people would feel great in the morning
especially on the last day of the year. I do not know why but for the
last year or so I have been having these awful mornings. Any way to
make the story short I smoked up the rest of my joint in the morning.
The day before in the evening I did not have much to do so I decided
to smoke up. I do not need a lot to get me high. I smoked up half of
the join and left the rest for tomorrow.
So there I was in my bed with the ash tray in one hand and the rest of
the joint in the other hand. I do not know why really but this was
the best high I ever had. Maybe because I smoked up in the morning
which I never did before. I know it sounds so crazy but I am such a
crazy person. I love to do crazy stuff all the time.
I was in another place and I was in another time for a period of two
hours. I do not know how to describe those few moments. There are no
words in any language to describe that. You need to feel it for
yourself.
I am not advocating drug use here. In fact I never thought of myself
as someone who would do drugs. This is all very new for me. I am
sort of an old school person who on top of that is somewhat naïve. I
was taught that drugs are never a solution and truly believed that. I
still believe that. Drugs are not a solution to anything but
sometimes when things seem really bad one need's to put that bravado
aside. There is no point in being a hero in a world that does not
need them. There is nothing heroic in taking drugs. However, this
time they made me feel so good. In fact I do not think I ever felt so
good in my whole life.
I am posting this here not because I want to talk about drugs but
because I need to talk about it since it affected my life and I need
to it of my chest. I feel somewhat better now that I did. I do hope
that this is just going to be a period in my life and not a regular
occurrence. I really wish to put this aside and focus on what I
really need to and that is computer, internet, Linux and the rest.
On the other hand I do not want this blog to be some kind of a
polished and neat description of my life. My life is full of turmoil
and I want my blog to mirror that. Drugs just happen to be the thing
that came into my life and disrupted the nice and calm sea. There are
now big ripples spreading from the impact where the drugs hit the
water. Those ripples are eventually going to decapitate. What I want
to focus is on restoring the calmness. I think that I can do that
like I have done hundreds of times in my life before. I have always
been successive on doing just that. Although drugs have like I have
mentioned above made me feel really good I do not have any yearning
for them. I just want to move on.
In fact I believe that it is time for me to ditch my junkie friend. I
had my fun with her but now I feel like continuing like this can only
hurt me. She lives only for drugs. I do not believe that I need
someone like that in my life.
I remember that Tuesday well. It was raining cats and dogs. It all
looked like it was going to be just another lame day when all of the
sudden the demon called me (formerly known as my junkie friend). She
was like, "I am downtown now and there is this show or whatever that I
want to go to." So she asked me to come along and I was like, "sure I
want to see it as well." It was free and there seemed like nothing
better to do that day any way.
The show was still a couple of hours away so I remember tinkering with
my box while it was slowly getting dark outside. It was still raining
like cats and dogs and I kept worrying about what shoes to put on
because it seemed like whatever I am going to wear that day it would
get wet. Any way I put on my steel toed boots on, took my umbrella
and headed off.
It was not too far away but it is no fun walking in rain. I mean sure
some times it can be fun to walk in rain and I do that occasionally
but when you have to sit in a theater after that with your wet pants
or shoes it is no fun. Once I did that...I walked in rain and then went
to the theater to watch a movie. My shoes that I wore that day were
completely wet and I had them on for a few hours. Even today I
sometimes feel twitching of the nerves.
So I get over to that place and there she was waiting for the show to
begin. I order some tea for myself and we start talking. I
remembered she once asked me if I had Linux on my box and I asked her
where she heard about Linux. She told me that she learned about it at
some place and that she still has a couple of files from those days
but that she is not using it. I had to poke her on that because it
just seemed odd to me that someone like her would know about Linux. I
myself would have never learned anything about Linux if I had not
spent so much time on the computer and the net and here was this
junkie girl that was going nowhere with her life talking to me about
Linux.
Any way the show began half an hour after it was supposed to and I
still had my tea so I just walked in with it. I got my candy. It was
a legal piece of candy that was given away at the beginning of the
show. It turned out later that this piece of candy that was given
away to each person had a significant meaning that I am going to get
back to. So there we were us two and a handful of others watching the
show. It was not much really it terms of performance but it fun any
way. I guess the boring rainy Tuesday had much to do with that but
there was more. The show basically had an anti-drug theme to it and
that was the point of the candy that was being given away at the
beginning. It was supposed to symbolize a drug and basically the show
tried to point out that, "when you take drugs you may not have
problems but it does not make you a hero." At least that is how I saw
it but it turned our later after a conversation with the demon that is
not how she saw it. I was somewhat surprised. How could she have
missed the main theme of the show? Either she did not want to see it
or was ignorant all the way through. I do not understand people like
that. I on the other hand got it and that day I decided not to take
drugs any more. Well she showed up a few times later and I smoked a
few more joints with her but none of that changed my resolution. I
was not going to take drugs anymore and since she appeared unable to
stop I had stop seeing her. I am an adult person and I know what to
do in such situations. I made my decision and she was not able or
prepared to accept it so she had to go. How would it look like if I
would continue to hang out with her? She would continue taking drugs
and talking me into taking them too. I can see so far. It does not
take a lot to figure out what could happen like that. Life is too
much of a precious gift to waste. Basically what I am trying to say
is that one has made radical decisions some times in life. There
seemed like no other way for me to stop doing drugs with her around.
So she had to go. That may seem radical approach but in life if you
go just half way you may not get anywhere and I am the sort of person
who is prepared to go all the way. If I was not prepared to go all
the way in life than my life could be ending around this time by now.
I would probably continue taking drugs and eventually my family would
find that out and all hell would break lose. So I think that saved me
in this situation.
Indeed no one is a hero when he or she takes drugs. Still I like to
remember those days when I was high. I remember one day getting high
by myself. I was sitting in my room and that day went by so nicely
that I cannot even describe. I felt no pain and all my problems were
somewhere else. I had a lot of problems that were really suppressing
me back than but now I feel much better. I took drugs so that I did
not become depressed and the beauty of all this is that I was able to
stop when I did not feel I needed drugs any more. I think that is the
one positive thing that came out of all this. I was able to stop on
my own without the help of others and I am now living a healthy life
style without drugs, alcohol or tobacco.
I really do not want to say anything that would encourage anyone to
take drugs but I feel like I need to say this any way. I like to
remember one day when me and the demon were out at some concert both
high. The band that was playing I have no idea anymore and it does
not matter. All I know was that they were lame and I had no interest
in coming to see them but because I was high it was all very
different. Because I was high I was in another place all together
everything that was happening around me seemed so unreal. As if I was
in a dream and this was all a dream. For a moment there I felt like a
star. In a world with so little light I was at least happy and I
think that made me the star of the night. I am proud of that.
I am so happy now that I am not doing drugs. If I continued like this
I know that drugs would have destroyed me. I know so because some
times when I am really tired after several days of working out at the
gym I feel really bad and it is all due to drugs. I hope that with
time I am going to fully recover. I know that I can.
I have also been thinking about art. I feel like I need to get my
mind away from all of this and art usually does that pretty well for
me. I think that one of these days I am going to return to doing some
art. Which I think would be great. I think that would be another
step in the right direction.
I know that I talked a lot about drugs here and it almost seemed like
I made them sound kind of cool. Well they are not cool and now I feel
saddened when I see them popularized in movies especially when it
comes to addictive drugs like cocaine. I do not think that it is
funny at all.
During the last few weeks I felt an urge to get high again because I
wanted to be in that place where you do not feel hurt. It is a nice
place to be in but it takes a hefty tool on your body. I still do not
feel like I am a 100% even after a month of not doing drugs. It is
not funny!
Still thought I am an adult and when I did drugs I knew what I was
doing. Those were turbulent times in my life and I was under a lot of
pressure. It felt good. I do not see any thing wrong with that
because some times in your life there are moments when things get so
tough and it is not even your fault. So what do you do than? Drugs
at that moment seemed like the best solution. Now times have changed
and things are back to normal again. I am not doing drugs any more
and every thing seems like it is going in the right direction.
I never talked much about the woman that I did drugs with for half a
year. For one I never mentioned her name. Of course I want to stay
anonymous so I am never going to do that and besides that her name
really does not do her justice. Like my own name it does not really
describe me but I found one that suits her really well. She is a
demon and I am going to call her, "demon."
She must be one of the most awful people that I have ever meet and I
am going to tell you why. I hate her so much right now I can not even
describe it. If she was right now over here I do not know what I
would do. It is a good thing that she does not live around where I do
because I hope that I am never going to see her again for the rest of
my life.
I have never seen some one so self destructive in my life. I mean she
thought about drugs all the time. Is not that insane? She has a few
good characteristics but this overshadows that. Until I saw this I
thought she was just a normal person who may be a little bit
eccentric. Was I wrong! I am so angry right now that I partied with
her because for her I meant nothing. She was there only for the drugs
and nothing else. If I was there or not it made no difference. She
usually parties all alone. She has few friends. Right now I am not
even surprised by that. Every one hates here and I am just another
person who hates her and I am always going to hate her. She is the
most disgusting human being that I have ever meet. There you go...I
said it! I have her...she is a demon that lives only for drugs...there is
not humanity left in her. I could swear that some where deep in her
flesh there lives a demon that hates humans and controls her...because I
just can not understand how it could be any way else. She could have
destroyed me with her ways.
So let's start shall we! I have been thinking for some time now about
starting my own blog. This is my first time! This is my first blog.
Well actually I do have a some thing similar to a blog but not quite
on myspace. Some time ago I started writing a diary. So than I
figured I could post it as blog entries. I do not know if that coun
So what should I write for my first blog?! Well I do not want to bore
you with computer stuff. I am not a geek! I actually have a life so
let me share a bit about my life. I can not of course give you any
names, places, dates or too many details. Doing so could reveal my
true identity!
Any way last Friday I went of to party! I went to this party with a
friend. Actually the friend was waiting there for me. We had a good
DJ! Yeah, I am into house, dance, trance, disco,...I also listen rock
some times. I do not listen much to rock but when I do I put on MM
and Ramstein! So any way the party starts to pick up. So my friend
who is already high on mushrooms offers me some too! Yeah! Mushrooms
are my choice of drug. I do not do other drugs. Well of course I do
not mind smoking some weed but I would not do any other drugs. That
is strictly of limits! Actually I would claim that I do not do drugs
at all because mushrooms are not really drugs. They are just a medium
for you to connect to some channel that you other wise would not be
able.
So I take some mushrooms and I start chewing them until the only thing
that is left are some hard fibers which I swallow. They do not taste
bad at all. Any way half an hour later I start to fell the effects of
the mushroom. I was high. OH, yeah it was good. I have not been
high like that in a long time and it was a different sort of a high
from my hash smoking days. This was much better. I started to
hallucinate. I saw some color full patterns for a bit and than I saw
it! I saw a big black spider. It was my guardian angel. I seen it
once before on a different occasion and never thought much about it
but here it was again. It was huge and it's legs were very hairy and
it's leg joins were fluorescent. For the next half an hour I had a
discussion with it on a subconscious level. I say so because during
the event it self I did not realize that I was having a discussion
with the spider or as I call it my guardian angel. Only later I
realized that I felt some how sad. I was sad because my life is not
that great and I discussed with the spider my life! I felt later that
was probably one of the most sincere discussion I had in my life.
So there I was...high again! It must have been around midnight. Me and
my friend were high and wondering the streets. What was the drug you
may ask? What does it matter! I was high. That is all that matters
and it lasted for houres. It was the best damn thing in the world.
You know the interesting thing about all of this is that before I met
her I never did drugs. I mean I did so little that it almost need not
to be mentioned. I read a lot of books in my life especially in my
teen years. I was not interested in drugs. I was afraid! Every one
from my parents and the school kept telling me that drugs are bad and
so on. So I kind of went with that. I was not that social either any
way and drugs were not some thing that I could get access to either.
Besides that I was not interested. I wanted to do art and other nice
things in my life. I was not thinking about drugs. I knew one day I
would do that. I always knew that but I was not going to schedule
that any time soon. I was thinking more in terms of maybe one day
when the right people would come along I was going to do drugs.
Because I was not prepared to do drugs just with any one. I had a lot
to do in life and it seemed that drugs just did not fit into that
period.
A lot has changed since than and this seems to be the right period to
do drugs because of many reasons. One thing is that I just do not
feel like it seems wrong.
Some time ago I told Swan a friend of mine and a fellow hacker that I
found it hard to believe that geeks and drugs go together but
apparently I was wrong. Not only do they do drugs but some even grow
them. Drug use among hackers seems to be so wide spread that it is a
common theme on IRC. I have found the group of people that I feel
comfortable talking with about drug use. In a way it is almost like
taking drugs with them. Because I can talk about it on IRC and see
what kind of responses I am going to get. So to me this seems to be
much more acceptable. As opposed to taking drugs just for fun. It is
fun of course but it almost seems like there is a higher purpose to
it. Although that may sound wired and all but that is how I really
feel about it. It is all about escaping the dull world of computing.
Because hacking is all about sitting for houres on end on a computer
typing away. It gets tiresome and dull at times so taking drugs in my
mind is not some how this selfish act or just to impress some friends
but it takes on a new role. I do it to escape the dull world that I
live in and when I am done I return back to do more hacking. That
some how seems all worth wile. So finding a junkie friend to do this
with I have just done what every hackers is doing but I have made
another bigger step. Most hackers may do this on there own but I have
some one else to do it with and she is a junkie on top of that. Seems
like to me I hit two flies with one hit. On one hand I have found
some one to socialize with and do drugs with. Both of which go a
little way in the hacker underground. A friend and drugs all in one.
The other thing I noticed about this drugs was what kind of effect it
had on me. For instance this morning when I woke up I did not feel
any urge to crack my fingers. A nasty habit I had for many years. I
just could not stop cracking my fingers and now I felt like I did not
need to do that any more. All this time I alway believe that drugs
can only have a negative impact on you and now these drugs were
healing me.
Yeah, this drug is strong. A member of the cannabis family. After I
smoked up I had this amazing rush. My muscles relaxed almost
instantaneously. Because I work out almost daily my muscles were some
what tense and this drug just got rid of all that built up tension.
It was so amazing! I have to admit that I did feel an urge to smoke
up again today but I am a strong person and I can fight it. This drug
is strong but I am stronger. I do not get addicted to any thing. I
can smoke, drink coffee, play games, what ever it may be I do not get
addicted to any thing. I am very much aware of the dangers of taking
drugs. I know that it can destroy you easily if you do not control it
but I control every thing that has any thing to do with my life and I
am going to control this too.
So this Saturday my friend came over again. She arrived around
midnight. It did not take long before we rolled up the first joint
and started smoking. This first one was really strong. She made it!
I guess she put in a lot of the good stuff. I was so high I could not
get my self to do any thing useful other than arrange some paperwork
that happened to be around. I guess that did not look too good.
There was my friend and she did not have much to do any ways and I was
looking at some folders.
Later on I did want to share some thing with her. It was about a
place where I lived for a while. I wanted to tell her about a moment
when I happened to be coming home from some store on foot on this
lovely day. It was getting dark and down this street close to where I
lived there was this house which had these two lamp lights that
illuminated pretty much the front yard and the street. The light was
just amazing. I am not sure really how to describe this but I was
just struck with it. It was not too dark or to bright. It was the
mixture of day light or what was left of it and the two lights that
made it amazing. Any way so this is what I wanted to tell her.
So later on we rolled up two more joints and we went of into the night
at around two o'clock. We first went to some party and we left an
hour later. Than we smoked up the second joint. So we went of
looking for more excitement and eventually ended at the park. I
recommended we go up to a certain bench where you have a good view of
the city and there is this beautiful filed underneath. So we smoked
up the third joint and we sat there while the sun came up. Well I
mostly sat there because my friend is restless and can not be still
for too long.
It was beautiful. The moon was full and slowly the sun was coming up.
So in a relatively short time span we witnessed the light fade from
the moon and watched the first glimpses of sun shine. Being high I
guess it looked that much better. My friend was there with me and it
seemed like a good Saturday night. I could only wish for many more of
those.
Last night me and my friend had a night on the town and what a night
it was! First we went to my place to role up some joints and get
high. Now to tell you honestly I did not really want to get high at
all. The last few times I got way to high with her. She is really an
experienced drug user. I am going to try and not call her a junkie.
O.K. maybe if I am goign to get upset with her duing the process of
writting this blog.
By the way I am listening Robie Williams-She's Madonna right now. My
god is that song beautifull.
I have two browsers open at the moment. With firefox I am now on
youtube listenint to the foresaid song! On opera I am writting this
blog.
I could use firefox to do all this but I am using two browsers for a
reason. On firefox I loged into gmail as lyecdevf. In opera I am
loged in to gmail as well but under a different account.
I am actually thinking of using two sreens now on my computer. I
think doing all of the above would make it easier on two screens. I
already got an extra monitor. A friend of mine gave it to me becaus
he did not need it any more. I just need to get an extra piece of
hardware to accomplish this and maybe some configuring on my linux
box. I am going to have to look into this a bit more. This is going
to be another computer project of mine.
Any way to get back to my partying last night. So we crashed some
party and stayed there for a while. There was some band there
playing. I would never of have listened to them had I not been high.
You are standing there and you are in your own little world. There
are people around you who are lets say just ordinary people with
normal lives. I think some times I am coolest person there. I
certainly do not feel ashamed if any one notices. I am happy in my
little world and I want to be there. I do not mean that I want to get
high or that I need to ever time. It is fun to be sober too but when
I am high I some times see solutions to problems that I could other
wise not. Just last night I realized I need to visit more art shows.
I used to do that but than I stoped going to art galleries. Now I
like art and I postponed such activities because I wanted to learn
linux, to use it and become adept with it. Now I believe that I have
accomplished this task. I know how to use linux and I am quite
comfortable on it. So now I think I am going to start living more. I
have to start doing more social things other wise I can get depressed
and stuff. Now that would not do me any good. So last night I
decided that I would do more of the such.
Now today there is another party and the two of us are going to go to.
Actualy we have already aranged to meet at 6 o'clock at the party.
It is an open air festival so it opens that early.
She is going to get high on mushrooms. She may give some to me too.
Mushrooms are a really good drug but I think I am going to drink
instead. Last night we went to some part and they were promoting some
wine. We got two small botles of wine. Because she does not drink
she gave me hers. I have some beer at home and I bought a bottle of
wine my self so today I am going to be drinking the whole day through.
Yeah, it is times like these that I remember that life can be good.
I really need to change my life though and do many more things with my
life. Because I am a happy person it just does not come out some
times.
So I just came home from another day of....what should I call it....fun...?
I guess I could call it that. It depends of course upon what you
consider fun.
Well I know how to have fun! I may be a bit of a geek but I know how
to enjoy my self.
Any way so I am still feeling good so I thought...hey, why not write
another blog entry. I could not lie to you! :) I am kind of getting
the hang of this.
Over the last few months I have been pushing my self to hard. I
thought that I would start using unix about this time. That would
kind of be too hard for me. I could go and use Solaris of which I
have a copy and I have already installed as a virtual machine. Still
it would take a while for me to figure it out and every thing. Some
thing that I am not quite ready to do just now. I figure that the
best thing would be to just continue using suse linux for a few more
months or even years. I have come to like it. It is my favorite
linux distro and I really do not care what any one thinks. I like it
and since linux is all about choice why should I care what any one
thinks. It is sort of like my choice of clothes.
I like the way this little hobby of mine has taken a hold of me. It
is like all that I really think about. The computer and my internet
connection has become sort of like the car on the road to me. Well
not just like any car but more like a hight speed car with a tank of
nitro in it. Some thing that you are obsessed about. Some thing that
you spend all day tinkering with to make it faster and better. Some
thing that takes you mind from all the bad things in this world.
Well, I am tired now. I need to go to bed.
-
Oh there's more to add to this...
To be continued...
